Folkmanis Puppets

We're working on getting Leah's new bedroom set up. Leah is 3 1/2, and is beginning to develop strong choleric tendencies. Yes, yes, I know temperament isn't supposed to really show until age five but I think that's a bunch of baloney. You can definitely tell earlier than that. She was always so sanguine before, and like a happy little butterfly dancing around on tiptoes, but now it is more like living with a wolf cub. Our main focus for her room design is that she can take all her creative energy and find appropriate outlets for it, especially during naps/quiet rest time... (something other than literally climbing up the walls, standing on her furniture, falling off her furniture, dropping books through the window screens, tearing down the curtains, writing on the walls with her painted wooden toys, taking anything apart that she can possibly find. This child can unscrew anything with her tiny little fingers. It's truly amazing.)

We love love love Leah but she's a challenge. So since she has to have only soft toys (although this doesn't always keep her from writing on the walls -- she managed to make some strong marks with dyed fabric roses) I have chosen to move the puppet collection into her room. I think that not only are they soft enough but they will help her to act out whatever stories she has in her head. She is very creative. I think she's also developing an imaginary friend. So, anyway, puppetry is good for her (and I'm getting a puppet tree to store them on next week with my homeschool money) and, of course, she needs tons of art. Modeling beeswax is out. Although it's a nice quiet toy, she just tears it into little pieces and drops it in the heating vent. Actually, when we moved into the house, the first thing she did was remove the vent from the floor and drop all her toys into it. That was naptime on the first day.

So the big question is, can she be trusted with crayons and an easel? There are two ways to look at this. First, if she's going to write on the walls no matter what then it's better to give her the appropriate outlet and say, if you want to write, this is what you do it with. The other way to look at it is that we are "giving in" to her. I take the first stance, my husband is taking the second. I suggested window crayons -- they are easy to clean off and they are almost like drawing on the walls, so presumably it would curb the craving. But Steve says no. He thinks it would actually fuel the craving, besides confusing her and making us look inconsistent. It will be too hard for her to tell the difference between yes you can write on the windows with these special crayons but no you cannot write on the walls. I won the "Leah needs art" battle (although I get his point about the window crayons, so we're not going to try it -- but I definitely think that if we don't give her a way to draw she will FIND a way and we won't like what she comes up with!) so we moved in the easel and the block crayons today and she occupied herself very happily during nap. No marking on the walls in any way but she did color all over her face. I went through a whole list of things she could not draw on when I put her down for her nap but didn't think to include her body. Kids are so literal.

So... puppetry and drawing are our two hopes. I wish we could give her more. We've always taken things away from Leah: furniture, books, toys. Since she became a toddler, her room has gotten more and more empty. Now she's beginning again with a clean new room, fresh paint on the walls, nothing but a bed. And I am trying to instill an attitude of giving her things instead of taking them away. Like, now that you are able to be trusted with crayons you can have them. I probably ruined that by giving her a laundry list of things she couldn't color on. Instead of her feeling proud of her new toy, I made it crystal clear that I didn't truly trust her by preceding the gift with a lecture. It's so hard for me to parent in a Waldorf way. I mean, I want to, I just can't figure it out. I remember Penni Sparks talking in a lecture about redirecting kids by terming things as a new privilege. Making it positive instead of focusing on what you are taking away. It's just a change in mindset. And SO different from how I was raised. Penni also has a phrase that, ever since I first heard it, I have had stuck in my head: the blame-shame game. I feel guilty about that all the time. I think about the way I talk to my kids, and how I'm parenting in reaction to a problem and not working with an attitude of prevention and being two steps ahead, and I beat myself up. I guess maybe that happens to everyone. Anyway, we're doing the best we can for Leah and I hope we're heading in the right direction. There's nothing you can do but take it one step at a time. I think that trying to parent in a way different from how you were raised is one of the hardest things you can possibly do. You just automatically recreate your childhood; you become your parents. But I look at how I was raised (very authoritative) and I see how insecure I turned out and I do believe there's a definite connection. And I want to be less restrictive, less controlling, less demanding, less belittling, more relaxed, more happy... but my parents were not only strict but they made fun of permissive parents and were always talking about how their method was so much better... so when I try to look at my kids and bite my tongue and just let them be, I have my dad's voice in my head telling me that I'm "letting my kids walk all over me." I don't know. I guess I'm just tired. It's probably time for bed!

By the way, if you're a fan of Folkmanis puppets, they have a nice section on their website with Suggested Books to Pair with Puppets. Stories (alphabetical by animal), collections of animal folktales, collections of animal poetry, and natural history books. You can view the list on the site or download it in a Word file.