A Tale of Two Prologues

As part of our discussion of revising vs. editing, I remembered another resource! A former student wrote and self published a fantasy novel when she was 13, and she donated a copy to our homeschool co-op. When she went to write the second book in the series, she looked back at the first one and decided it needed some revisions! Even though it had already been published, she went ahead and revised the whole book and republished it, and then donated another copy to our classroom along with book 2.

Ms. Megan read the class the first two paragraphs from the Prologue of each, so that they could see some of the changes side-by-side.

original text

The full moon glowed red in the sky. A dog ran on swift paws through a swampy field, stopping as she reached a cavern. She lifted her snout to the sky, smelling the thick trails of smog that snaked across the northeastern horizon. The long billowing formations reflected the flame-colored moonlight. She entered the cave. Scanning her surroundings, for a long time she walked through desolate tunnels before finally placing the item delicately on the floor. It began to glow softly, becoming brighter as the pit bull walked away on shaking legs. This is the right place to put it.. She glanced back at the illuminated tunnel one last time before taking off into the dim light of dawn. I did what needed to be done.

A cat jumped from rooftop to rooftop- its fur, dark as the night sky, gleaming tepidly in the starlight. The moon was a tiny silver slit far off to the east which cast faint shadows across the buildings. He landed on a cramped wooden balcony and stared into the face of a dog. The animals bowed their heads to eath other. Then the shaggy red dog slipped a piece of paper to him. "Don't let it fall into the wrong paws," he growled.

revised text

The full moon glowed red in the sky. A dog ran on swift paws through a swampy field, stopping as she reached a cavern. She lifted her snout to the sky, smelling the thick trails of smog that snaked across the northeastern horizon. The long billowing formations reflected the flame-colored moonlight. She entered the cave and scanned her surroundings. For a long time she walked through desolate tunnels before placing the item delicately on the floor. It began to glow softly, becoming brighter as the canine walked away on shaking legs. This was the right place to put it. She glanced back at the illuminated tunnel one last time before taking off into the dim light of dawn. She did what needed to be done.

The moon was a tiny silver slit far off to the east which cast faint shadows across the buildings. A cat jumped between rooftops. His fur, dark as the night sky, gleamed in the tepid light of the stars as he flung himself over an alley. He landed on a cramped wooden balcony and stared into the face of a dog. The animals bowed their heads to each other. Their differences had been put aside- the situation had grown too dire for disputes of opinion. The two of them shared one common desire and that was to free this world of the disease that had befallen it... to save themselves, their species and their way of life. The shaggy red dog slipped a piece of paper to the cat. "Do not let it fall into the wrong paws," he growled. "Consequences will be severe- for all of us."

Many thanks to Kaia for sharing her work with us!!!

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