Favorite Jokes for Christmas Crackers

This year Zac and I are embarking on a brand-new holiday tradition: making homemade Christmas crackers!

Some videos that helped me when I was learning how:

DIY Easy Christmas Crackers
Hannah Weir

2-minute craft! British Christmas Crackers
Diane in Denmark

What's inside a Christmas cracker? Let's see!
Simple English Videos

If you -- like I -- were taught to save EVERYTHING as a child, you'll be happy to know that this is a lovely use of long bits of extra wrapping paper!

First we bought the snaps and tissue paper hats.

Next we went to HomeGoods to buy fancy individually wrapped candies. Then it was time to write up some jokes! This post goes well with Jokes for Reluctant Readers and Jokes for Reluctant Readers: Valentine Edition.

Here are some jokes that are especially suitable for putting in a Christmas cracker:

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy.

How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
Nothing. It was on the house.

What goes, "Oh, oh, oh"?
Santa walking backwards.

Why can't Christmas trees knit?
Because they lose their needles.

What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree?
A pineapple.

What was the snowman doing in the vegetable patch?
Picking his nose.

What falls at the North Pole but never gets hurt?
Snow.

What do you call an old snowman?
Water.

What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
Lost.

Where do snowmen keep their money?
In the snowbank.

Where do snowmen go to dance?
Snowballs.

How did Mary and Joseph know Jesus's weight when he was born?
They had a weigh in a manger.

How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
Deep pan, crisp and even.

The Christmas sweater I got last year kept picking up static electricity. So I took it back and exchanged it for another one -- free of charge.

A gingerbread man went to the doctor's office complaining of a sore knee. "A sore knee?" the doctor said. "Have you tried icing it?"

I got a universal remote for Christmas. This changes everything.

I bought my mom a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see her face light up whens she opens it.

I have this incredible ability to predict what's inside a wrapped present. It's a gift.

You can also buy lovely printable Christmas cracker jokes on Etsy. I like the red set and green set (three pages of jokes in each set). $7.94 well spent!

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