Life Work

I've had a lot of interesting responses to my decision to take the website down and begin my life again in a different line of work, and then my (partly because I was sad about giving up something that I love, but largely because others were complaining) decision to not leave people hanging and offer myself as a consultant.

One woman wrote to me with the following quote & food for thought: "One person's need does not make another person's life work."

I've been reading a book on co-dependency that says the same thing. If you're the kind of person who defines yourself by what you do for others, and you structure your life so that people always need you, then you end up drained and resentful (even though you're the one who caused the whole thing in the first place), that's co-dependency.

I don't want to be that kind of person. I want to be a light and happy person. I want to be whole and complete within myself. I want to be a good person for my children to be around. I want to be confident and not insecure, so that if someone doesn't like a decision I made, I listen to what they have to say (I don't want to be self-centered or arrogant) but I don't obsess about it or change my mind about my decision so that they are not mad at me. I don't want to be defensive and writing to my Group to explain why my site is down. It's not really any of their business. I'm going through something hard in my life and I can't offer the website any more and it's a sad thing but it's just a thing. I could get killed in a car accident at any time and the website would have gone down and people wouldn't have said mean things about me then... only when they think I'm deliberately trying to screw them out of free resources they were depending on, then they say it. Which is actually kind of a nasty thing to think about me so, in theory, someone who would think that about me isn't a person that I need to be worried about.

Our play date went great. I'd love it if Holly and I could get together every week. She only works on Tuesdays and Thursdays. At first I was thinking there was no way we could get together during the week because Natalie is at school until 3 pm and will be tired afterwards, but I do have TWO other children!!! I don't know why I never think about them. Steve says that it's because I've been so focused on Natalie's school needs that I always plan activities with her in mind. Somehow our house got Natalie-centered. I think it will be really healthy for her to be in school and the spotlight to shine on the other two. Holly's kids are 1 and 4 so even though Natalie met her at summer camp, that doesn't mean her kids have to be exclusively Natalie's friends. We can do playdates with my 2 and 3 year old. Leah is actually closer to Sophia's age than Natalie is! So I will call Holly and see if we can do a regular Wednesday thing. Tuesday is storytime at the library and the farm pickup in the afternoon so that's already pretty full. I can't put the kids into a lot of other activities, like gym class or something because money will be tight. Anyway, I'm not perfect, but if you want to check in with my blog to see what I'm doing with my kids, feel free. And it looks like, at least for the short term, there will be a little ranting along with it. Sorry about that.

My work options right now look like consulting and freelance writing work during naptimes Monday through Friday; Taste of Home Entertaining parties in the evenings; and something for the weekend, I don't know what yet. Our arrangement is that I am moving out but I get to come back from 7 am to 7 pm Monday through Friday to take care of the kids (instead of putting the kids in day care) as long as I can afford to make that work, and make enough money in the remaining hours of the week to pay my bills. I'm really hoping that I don't have to work full-time and put my kids in day care! I have a lead on a cheap car (the MGB was meant to be a fun car and is not reliable enough for a job) and am now looking for a place to stay. But I'm really really grateful to be able to see my kids every day, even if it means that I'll be dirt poor in able to do it. I'd love to still homeschool Leah (I don't think she'll ever have the personality to survive in conventional school) and Rebecca, too, if I can. I'll just enjoy Preschool right now, not sell my Waldorf books unless I really have to, and see what happens.

By the way, two books recommended in the Waldorf world for people who are going through crises in their lives are Tapestries and Soul Weaving by Betty Staley. I have them but haven't yet read them. When I do I'll post a review. Note: If you're entering into biographical work, I recommend starting with this questionnaire which I found on a homeopathic practitioner's website.


Our first day of school Monday will look like this:

Circle Time:
from A Child's Seasonal Treasury
Movement Game, page 16
Ten Fingers, page 19
Can You?, page 15

introduce Miss Mousie finger puppet, housework

Story: The Carrot Seed by Ruth Krauss

Activity: hang up sunflower growth chart, mark heights
trace hands outside, play with sidewalk chalk